Satire: It’s Time to End Communication

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Satire: It’s Time to End Communication

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The following is a satirical article and is not actual news. The piece reflects the opinions of the author and not the Weddington Witness as an organization.


Human beings – What is it that makes us such a powerhouse that we were able to conquer this planet? Surely it must be our vastly superior mammalian intelligence. While that is part of the equation the main reason is our incredible capacity to communicate with one another. There are approximately 6,500 spoken/written languages on earth. They have enabled all the greatest things about our species: modern medicine, rocket science, quantum theory, and other incredible advancements. Communication has also enabled some of the worst things in our species, like hate speech, cyber bullying, and terrorist organizations, just to name a few.

Communication has propelled our species to the pinnacle of power, but most recently it seems that it is only a cause for greater strife between groups. Democrats and Republicans are always bickering over Trump’s impeachment, “stan” Twitter cancelling whomever is in popular media, slurs being hurled between gamers on Xbox Live. It seems as though society has finally stopped advancing. To rectify this unrectifiable situation I propose the following: we should quit while we are ahead. 

Society shouldn’t be left out to rot, no; people should simply stop communicating with each other. When people stop communicating, there will be no way for anyone to get offended as there will be no opportunity for miscommunication. Racial, homophobic, or most importantly ageist slurs won’t be a problem anymore because people won’t be talking at all. This doesn’t only solve the problem of offensive language though, once society adopts this policy there will be no more putting up with political ads, no more religious organizations coming to your door, no more having to listen to people’s opinions that are wrong. It will be the final step to complete the perfect society.

Now there is another option, but it is vastly inferior. As a species, everyone could agree that either all words can be allowed to be said by everyone, or no one could say any words that have been deemed “offensive” by society. While at first glance this method may appear as though it is more reasonable, it would be much more work. Filters would have to be constructed on the Internet to prevent offensive comments from being made, moderators would be needed to maintain them, and most importantly, freedom of speech would be more inhibited than ever before. Eliminating all communication is a better option because everyone can do whatever they want and think whatever they want, as long as they never communicate. 

In reality it may be difficult to implement any of the suggestions with this article even if they fix all the problems in the world. Yet, society will never know if it isn’t at least attempted.