The following is a satirical article and is not actual news. The piece reflects the opinions of the author and not the Weddington Witness as an organization.

As the new school year is rung in, a new issue is plaguing the student body. An increased number of students, both transfers and freshmen, has increased travel times between classes and decreased timeliness. I was about to move into the fray myself this Monday before I realized something terrible had happened. A total gridlock. Not a single person was moving, and I had not even made it halfway down the central hall. At this point, I decided to turn back and make my way to G hall by going through the outdoor seating area, as we have very nice and clear sidewalks laying out the path to this location, and I managed to make it to class on time. 

Now if any astute readers may recall, I covered a similar topic last year when we had the designated stairwells, and like last year, I do fully believe that our administrators are trying their best to help alleviate the traffic and I greatly respect them for that. 

Formalities have come to their end though, and it is now time to get to the center of the issue. The current working solution is an interesting one, to make a sort of traffic circle in the hallway. As most of our upperclassmen can drive this makes sense; the circle, if everyone knows how to enter it and which way to go, should work. Note the keyword of that sentence, everyone. Not everyone knows how traffic circles work, hardly any of the freshmen could have taken drivers ed yet, and that’s where the numbers have increased the most. 

These issues being taken into account, I present the perfect solution: A fully functioning traffic light in the main intersection. At first may seem even worse than the traffic circle, but, even if people can’t drive, everyone knows how a stoplight works. It has been conditioned in us since we were young with games like “red-light green-light”. Green and red are used as symbols all around in literature, cinema, and television as when to stop and when to go.

Of course there is another problem with this solution: the budget. We simply do not have the funds to build a stoplight in the school. So, coming to this impasse, I present an alternative solution: why not walk outside to get to out classes? Wouldn’t it be simpler if we had some administrators watching to ensure that no kids wandered astray? Sure it may take a few extra teachers watching the halls while the administrators are outside, but isn’t it more financially sound to use these already laid cement paths then to implement an entire intersection’s worth of stop lights? To which I respond, of course, this COULD work, but it isn’t going quite far enough. Yes, we could implement this system of utilizing our outdoor resources to travel to class by having administrators and teachers supervise these students there too but the magnificent thing about a stoplight is that no supervision is required! Naturally, this stoplight is the best idea possible and there could be no other way to truly fix our current congestion issues, how could there be?

But to those who took the time to read this article, consider getting to F and G hall through these sidewalks, It may just prevent some tardies.