BREAKING: MARCHING BAND TO BE PULLED FROM FOOTBALL GAMES AFTER FAILED NEGOTIATIONS BETWEEN THE BAND AND FOOTBALL TEAM

Bleachers around Union County left to decay after failed negotiations between the  Weddington High School Football Team and Marching Warriors. The football team waited for the marching band to “pick up the slack,” but cut them after failed attempts.

"you win some, you lose some" by haven't the slightest is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0

Bleachers around Union County left to decay after failed negotiations between the Weddington High School Football Team and Marching Warriors. The football team waited for the marching band to “pick up the slack,” but cut them after failed attempts. “you win some, you lose some” by haven’t the slightest is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0

The following is a satirical article and is not actual news. The piece reflects the opinions of the author and not the Weddington Witness as an organization.


On the afternoon of August 27th, 2019, it was reported from one of our field agents that the Weddington High School Marching Warriors would no longer be attending football games after the football team requested “a share of their competitive winnings” in negotiations. 

In a previous consultation, the two rival groups agreed to co-produce the football games. Despite the band having the rights to their performance, the football team now wants another way to keep the crowds spirited at games. Separate from football, the band has a rather successful competition career, with awards and accolades lining the band room. Though the football team has won two state championships in the past three years and has hundreds of fans that support every game, they decided that it wasn’t enough. 

“We feel that we should get a share of their competitive winnings,” stated coach Diss Knee at a press conference on the 28th. “We are putting all the money into these games, and it’s time the band picked up the slack.”

The football team does receive a much larger portion of the school’s budget than the band does, with roughly $5,000 dollars split between the middle and high school band programs, not accounting at all for the marching band. The Marching Warriors’ funding comes mostly, if not entirely, from fundraising. 

“It really isn’t necessary for us to continue going to games, and we need this money to create a space for the kids to nurture their passions,” remarked band director Sow Nie. 

While these developments came rather suddenly, it is possible that further negotiations will allow for more football games with both the band and the football team. We will follow and update on these events as they occur.